Sunday, April 25, 2010

So Tony, What Would You Wear At Coachella?

Let's make this one a quickie. So let's pretend "Robert" from down the street (Ok, I probably got this name while looking at some tag the grocery store clerk was wearing today) asked me "So umm Tony....I heard you're going to Coachella. Now, you're obviously a well put together homo, but the question everybody around here is asking what are you going to wear to Coachella?". So what exactly would I wear for those 3 days?
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Well i've chosen from the Spring/Summer 2010 collections and which collections I'd love to wear in the hot fields of Indio Cali are (in no particular order):
1. Missoni. I've been raving about this collections for fucking days and days. I swear, I'm probably shitting missoni stripes in every shade and color. This collection was made for the hot suns and beaches.
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2. Louis Vuitton. HELLO, what better way to get your cray cray creativity at a music festival than to wear Vuitton?! It's perfection connection. Plus, I know i'd look gorgeous in say Chanel's or Magda's look over there while dancing.
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3. Proenza Schouler. Another collection made for dancing my skank ass off while looking gorgeous. Also another collection made for the sun.
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4. I've been into a preppy mood lately.....I can just imagine myself looking minimal with a headband with a leather polo on and some shorts....flawless.
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5. Prada. Like duh! It's all about the prints and the short suits....perfect!
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Well that's that. Picturing my brown ass in every look....ugh I hate my life! I want everything!

Fashion's Finest at Coachella

Ok. I swear this one's my last post on anything Coachella related (bitch, as if). Umm...let's see who else was there just to make my achy breaky heart go all moaning and crying...umm well Vicky C's Alessandra Ambrosia was there. Homegurl looks gorge.
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Ehh the outfit is cute...very cliche.
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Devon Aoki! Devon motherfucking Aoki!
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Why oh why oh why did she shave it? Why? Gurl looks like your average damn lesbian down the street living in the trailer who has cats as boyfriends. Do.Not.Like.
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I like her outfit here. And what the fuck is Pixie wearing (more like not wearing). Gurl, cover up your itty bitty goodies. Nobody want's a 90's sucky sucky rehash look.
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Seeing a gay and his faghag always puts a smile on my face.
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Thinspiration goddess Alexa Chung. Love the outfit. Simple, chic.
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Well Hello There Rosie. Oh don't mind me, i'll just photoshop your face out while I'll put my fug face next to Jason Statham (oh god buckle in the knees ya'll, he's hot).
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wtf, she smokes?!? Since when?
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oooh la la la la love this look. Loving that damn Isabel Marant fur vest.
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Camilla Belle! The outfit is hella boring tho.
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*Cleans up saliva dripping* oh umm hey there Kellan. I'm not even gonna go there...ya'll know I how I feel about my boo.
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*Eniko don't play flashbacks...* oh hey there Chanel! Gurl you look gooooooooood...
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forget Anne Hatheway, lets stare at Adam Shulman.
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I'm sorry bosworth, but stop stealing the attention from that fine empress sitting all by her self in front of you. Disrespect gurl, disrespect.
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So what did we learn from these posts? We need boyfriends that look like Kellan & Adam, short shorts (ladies, shave down there...YES shave carefully down there cause I had a friend who didn't shave there and her fur was all wide open for all of us to see at school), lose some weight so we can look good in flats, oh and drink lots and lots of alcohol! Nothing like Coachella. oh fuck the restricted Coachella posts, I'm doing a "What would you wear" post! yay yay yay yay yay yay yay.

Best Dressed At Coachella: Katy Perry

Finally I was able to spot a damn designer piece in this whole cluster fuck of hipsters at Coachella. Meet Katy Perry. Many of you know her as the pussy muncher (and dick muncher of Russell Brand or whatever his hairy name is) that likes to sing about kissing girls and getting cray cray in vegas but I know her as the WTF of what I like to classify as a "whatever" celeb in the media. Never got her appeal, never will. Bitch dresses like Betty page's cousin that got stuck with a ticket to IHOP after Betty made it big. Anyways, I think I might love her now....homegurl wore Vuitton Spring/Summer 2010 and it looks GORGEOUS outside of the runway.
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that neon yellow with that nude....stunning. And on the runway on Imogen...
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That's that. She's getting my vote for best dressed at Coachella. Vuitton beats everything. Plus, looks fabulous with those hot pink gladiator sandals.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Everybody is at damn Coachella but me. FML.

While everyone is plastered and drunk as a skunk and switching bodily fluids at Coachella (yes, can't you tell by now how bad I wanted to go!), I just realized it ain't Paris la exotic Hilton that's only there. EVERYONE is there. If you ain't there, your just some kid like me who ain't got to way to back him up to go and is stuck in this little ol country or you're some deadbeat papi chulo who isn't willing to spend 300+ smackaroos down at that bitch. Well lookey who was there...Kate Boswarth and *GASP* Alexander Skarsgard! That hoodrat! She's stealing my boo right in front of my eyes! ugh. Major ugh.
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Well I kinda love her ensemble...a little slutty, a little missoni ss10, a little yeahaw down there, but it all works together. If Alexander approves, I do.
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Chanel's Finest Lily Allen was there. Gotta love this slut. Just gotta love her. Oooooh homegurl is pulling the finest hipster outfit I've seen since....ever.
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let's now get classy and a sassy with Kelly Osbourne & her boo Luke "i secretly love peen" Worral. I love her dress. I love her glasses. I love her bag (is it Chanel, mija?). I love her shoes (bitch was raiding some of my hipster friends's closets for them, huh?). Fuckery fuck, I love this bitch's ensemble. 5 stars skank, five stars.
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John "I fuck every breathing vagina there is" Mayer was there canoodling with Ricki Lake's long lost sister..
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Beyonce's other sibling (Solange is it? I just remember that bitch from some Logo performance or somethin) was there wearing a crop that I would've purchases at American Apparel...Great minds think alike!! now take that damn black devil horns off of your head, you know dah!
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Peaches and her I-cant-tell-if-he's-hot-or-kinda-perv-looking-boyfriend....
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And everyone's salivating worthy celeb, Danny Devito!
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Well anyone who's anyone is there. I swear, If I was there, i'd be getting my pipes cleaned out (tall, dark, and handsome, and rugged) and getting my dance on but noooooooo....I'm home watching Hilary Duff wearing some Prada ss08 dress on ABC Family in some movie where she can't get a man (oooh gurl, we DO have shit in common!). ugh, for sure for sure next year.

Paris Hilton has landed at Coachella!

While i'm here at home in my chonies and eating some mint milanos, everybody who's anybody is at Coachella sharing peen and vajayjay and sweating like massive pigs. Yep, I wish I was there too. I really do. Shit, I would go there if:
a) I had a ride
b) I didn't have loser friends who can't go cause they don't have money or they can't go because their parents are lame as hell
other than that, I woulda been wearin my finest get go outfit while dancin my ass off to passion pit and hot chip. Anyways, the empress has arrived ya'll. No not Danny Devito, he's there too, but my gurl Paris la exotic Hilton
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Always gotta keep lookin good. ugh fml.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Gisele get's Cavalli Fall/Winter 2010. How Shocking *rolls eyes*

ugh it's true, it's bloody true! Damn Gisele nabbed the Cavalli Fall/Winter 2010 campaign all after poppin some chilren out of her vadge. I could care less if this was Just Cavalli, fronted by Kate last season, but mainline? I LOVED that collection so I expected Roberto picking one of my usual favorites but Gisele? Boring ass Gisele? She's so overrated. Ok, she's a great model, but Gisele? I feel like they're only choosing her after having a baby and having all this "hype" to be the forefront stunner she is. Idk, I rather would've had someone else. Now, go grab me a bag of Doritos (the red bag. I finished a whole huge one all by myself at my sisters) while we read the confirming news via Fashionologie:

"Givenchy, too, is rumored to be going with a trio of female models — Ming Xi, Joan Smalls, and Mariacarla Boscono — joined by a few male models in front of Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott's lens. But the trio trend breaks there — word going around is that Meisel captured 12 girls for Balenciaga,including Finnish newcomer Kirsi Pyrhonen, and Roberto Cavalli is going solo with Gisele Bundchen shot by Mert and Marcus."
Damn you Gisele, damn you gurl!...
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Let's pretend some bitch asked me "so Tony, who would you love to front that campaign?"
Me: "ummm....me? Oh i kid betch. How about Kasia? She opened, I love her, she's fierce, she's perfection for Cavalli". Just look at her at Cavalli...
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Perfection. Or mayber either Natasha, Siri, Elsa, or Sasha. Period.

Guy Ritchie is dating.....Michaela Kocianova!?! Say whu now?

While Madonna is spreading her vagina ashes all over Jesus Luz's crotch and face (oh and apparently Adam Senn made his way around this whole thing somewhere too) my gurl Michaela Kocianova is spreading the love with Guy Ritchie! Yes, as in the whipped bitch that was once married to Madonna! Guy needs love too! ugh, I don't know about you, but a papi chulo sounds so good right about now.
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ugh, kudos for Guy (don't tell Madonna I said it's an upgrade cause that bitch would fist my face) but yeah....it's an upgrade. ugh, shit, and why the fuck does Michaela look flawless even with a damn pap shot....ooh yeah....cause she's a model. Personally, I think they make a cute couple. I hope it lasts.... unless it starts interfering with Michaela missin Galliano's shows then there needs to be some compromises and talking.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Where's the damn Nair?!?

How funny, yesterday me and my gurl Kelvina were talking about hairy arms and blah. Well anyways, we all love Jessica Miller and that striking bone structure riiiiggghhtt? Cause I sure know I do. BUT...
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has homegurl ever heard of Nair? Bitch needs some 411 on that from my Persian sistas at school who rave about that shit cause judging from this photo of her at Loewe she needs it..
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Atleast she makes hairy arms hot.

Monday, April 5, 2010

The Morning Benders-Excuses

Somebody please explain to me why the fuck I'm awake right now when I should be sleeping since I have to go back to school at 8 after a long break thanks to Spring Break. I'm currently thinking of purchasing of shirt at Urban (Kelvin, if ur reading this since I know I'm prettier than you and well....you're obsessed with me, I think I'm getting the same blue shirt from Urban that you got), looking at minnetonka shoes, and currently singing along to "Excuses" by The Morning Benders.
I can't believe I just discovered them the other night! I'm obsessed with them but "Excuses" has to be my fave song from them atm. I'm the only one at home with lights on and using my crack voice to it's fullest potential and singing along while my whole familia is sleeping like a damn cow herd. Oh, and I'm finishing up homework.