Saturday, May 29, 2010

I'm Assuming I Have Better Memory Than Lindsay Lohan, Right?

Dear Linday "sniffer of the good shit" Lohan, are you serious?
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um cause daddy Karl Lagerfeld has been there, done that. HELLO, doesn't anyone remember Chanel Spring/Summer 2008 with the ankle purses?
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Soo um yeah. Felt like since being the fashion obsessed gurl I am, I had to say something.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Mon Hotel

ugh, well I could be going out sashaying my ass in sneakers and Ts on such a nice Friday but my ass prefers to study and wander off online (porn? Oh I kid bitch, I'm a class faggot right?). Especially GILT.com, which I'm loving their special at Hotel Mon located at 1 rue d'Argentine Paris, France. It's just simply stunning and can you believe I've been trying to convince my mama and papa to let me leave this cesspit of a home to trip somewhere. But now....back to Hotel Mon. Ugh, I wanna go to Paris, France and have my faggot ass stay here while I wear Lacroix and Chloe.
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Did I mention it's located near the Arc de Triomphe and the Champs-Elysees? Umm yeah..perfection.
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So so elegant...
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ugh that bathroom is divine.
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and the restaurant turns into a candlelit lounge. Perfect for shopping around for peen and alcohol. Best of both worlds.
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ugh I REALLY wanna go to France now. Now, it's time for me to go nag to my parents to let themselves to at least consider to let my ass go to France to shop till I drop and go sight seeing (more peen). ugh, I just really need an out of state vacay ya'll. But seriously, I'm trying to let my parents let me go to the following places, which I've been lusting to spread my faggotry to: London, Madrid, Paris, & Nueva York. Cross your fingers, legs, and every crossable body part, bitches. I need a damn break!

Brad Goreski and His Hairy Chichis

Who knew Rachel Zoe's assistant in those damn raggedy nasty bowties had such a panty creamer body? Shit ya'll, this shit deserves panty creamer of the day! Papi chulo has some hairy nipples that just oozes sex appeal. Amiright mo'fuckas?
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OK....This shit was all ruined with Terry Richardson's presence. Fuck, thanks Terry.
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That's hot.

ps. Does this mean Terry has "touched" boys as well? oooh Nasty gurl!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Bye Bye Good ol' Iphone. Miss Yah Boo.

My one and true original partner in crime is long gone. All those days I'd cheat in math class, gossip while reading in class, call Kelvina to talk about our homo of the weak, use grindr for shits and giggles while me and Kelvin are at Panda binging our asses off, go on DListed just to see papi chulo Hugh Jackman, and call the blonde bitch for a ride are all past gone.
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So basically, my ass was invited to my friend's birthday party. No, if you're thinking some cholos showed up and were saying "ey foo, there's your boyfriend" to their homies while suddenly someone breaks my phone then you're completely false with the situation. So I basically pulled a Whitney Houston. I had cracked. Like, ok, my mother (sounds classier, no?) was calling me and apparently I was in trouble just for not answering her phone calls on time. I kept calling back home to let her know where exactly I was at until I "snapped" and threw my phone to the floor. You know like in the movies. The horror! ugh, never ever ever ever ever pulling an "academy worthy moment" again. For the love of muah, why the fuck did I do that? So in the end, I need a new phone. Crackberry or a new Iphone? You all know I LOVE my iphone. That shit is my number one love. To cause me even more pain, I'm using some shitty flip phone. Oh and did I mention the flip phone doesn't have text messaging and only has calling for emergencies?!?!? Yeah, life's a bitch. Only contact I have with most of my friends now is through facebook. FML.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

It's Officially Prom!!

Well at my school and especially not for me considering I'm still a Junior, but I've been asking every person I know that's going "So ummm.....what are you going to wear?".
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There's no question regarding if I'm a materialistic whore and if I do or don't care about looks, so ofcourse I'm asking every Tom, Dick, and Harry at my escuela (school in spanish. Had to be creative in this damn post somehow) what gorgeous gorjasmic (my fag in crime made that up) outfit they'll be taking off later while losing their virginity. So ummm yeah....i can't go but umm let's pretend I'm sucking Andre Leon Talley's big 'ol cock (hello, he's black and once you go black you neva' go back ya'll)which allows me to wear dozens and dozens of gorgeous dresses and Trevor Donovan asked me to prom. So which dresses would I choose from to wear to prom while my sexy Trevor Donovan (google that bitch! google that hot piece of fine meat! panty creamer of the year!) wears good ol' quintessential Dolce? Actually, from which labels would I choose? I mean there's tons of labels all around the world, but what two distinct labels are so "me"? The fashion label Valentino synonymous with a luxury, decadent, expensive, and glamourous appeal, has to be number two. It's the go to brand when it comes to looking glamorous and it's perfection connection when it comes to prom. Hello, it's not hard knowing that it's one of the fashion houses known for party & evening dresses. When I think of events such as prom, I don't necessarily think about breaking boundaries. It's one of those events where it's all about looking gorgeous no matter what. It's about looking your best, yes being fashion forward, but not trendy. Lets do a little recap of what Valentino dresses I'd love to wear (btw, it was SO hard choosing from dozens of dresses so trust me these aren't all the one's I'd choose):
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So who's numero uno? Number one, hands down, has got to go to papi chulo Karl's work at Chanel. I even wanna wear Chanel when I die. Don't we all? omfg, if I could wear anything to prom from Chanel, it would so be this:
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ugh, give me Natasha's body and that dress from Chanel Spring/Summer 2007 and i swear no bitch would have anything on me. I'd actually do that look head to toe. I mean, it's black and simple yet it's overall execution is perfection.
Well what's the point of this post? yeah...i'm bored as hell bitches. ugh, i'm craving cock and clothes. And dresses. There's no limit to loving dresses. I seriously want Snejana's or Natasha's body by prom next year and that black Chanel dress and I swear i'd be flawless you skanks. ugh, I'd be so bringing boys to the yard looking like that.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I Can Finally Die In Peace. FINALLY Found That Damn Versace Song.

Sing after me ya'll "Blue eyes, pink lips, ugg boots, and lots of passion". I finally found that damn Versace song! ooooh ma lawd! Ok ok ok ok.....yeah...umm...let's take out those damn pastel tops, lip gloss your whole damn cock sucking lips, and let's mince like were damn Kasia Struss and Vlada Roslyakova mkay!
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Remember that second song from Versace's Spring/Summer 2010 show? Well, everybody was selling crack and screaming like kids just to find out what song that was. Catchy? oh yes gurl. Thankfully, somebody on Youtube found the song and it's called !Franchesckaar! by Charli XcX. Here ya go:
Now excuse me while I purge out all my taquitos and burritos from El Torrito in my toilet and then mince the streets while in my latest pastel overload and pretending I'm Kasia Struss. Oh and remember "blue eyes, pink lips, ugg boots, and lots of passion".

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Making of Lanvin Spring/Summer 2010 Ad Campaign Featuring Jamie Bochert

You know, I always thought her look was too strong for my personal taste of models but I'm actually beginning to like her A LOT. Plus, I always thought her ad campaign for Lanvin was truly magnificent. Seeing her work all those sequined pieces and dresses just brings a big ol fat smile to my face.
Now let the spinning the bag in my room commence.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Latest Purchases: Miu Miu Glasses & Minnetonka Moccasins

I should be doing my english essay on comparing and contrasting two characters from the Great Gatsby that was past due but fuck it. I'll finish it in 40 mins. I'll just do a quickie post on what I've bought as of late. Plus, wtf would Madonna do?!? What would miss material bitch do? Hw or blog about her shopping adventures? I'm sure she'd pick the blogging, but she'd blog about what creams make her dusty vadge easier and smoother for male models to play with. I don't think i've mentioned on here but I'm like kinda blind. FUCK, I have to wear glasses. I know, I know....depressing, no? Well I wasn't going to choose Dolce or D&G or Chanel ones because we all know every 17 year old owns a pair of those. So being the "out there one", I opted for Miu Miu glasses. Aren't they cute? Yes, they're green. Don't hate. Suck it bitch.
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Anyways I need new comfortable shoes so I also got Minnetonka ankle boots.
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Unfortunately, the shoes don't fit me. They're too big. I'll return them later in the upcoming week for a size 10 in womens. Well that's that. Shopaholics unite.

Naomi on Oprah: The Career, The Men (my favorite), Her New Love....Basically fucking Naomi Campbell.

I'm ditching the cholas after school and heading straight to my tv with two cans of Diet coke and a bag of cheetos just to watch this shit (sorry Ty Ty, i'm switching you till 4). Yes, I love Naomi. Yes, I love big fat Oprah. Now combine the two...and whala! Two black goddesses in one yappin yappin yappin!
Dang! Even big ol Oprah made here sign that damn phone pledge! You know Naomi threw her phone at Oprah backstage just for making her do all these "requests". Oh!....The fuck...Naomi drives? since when? I'm pretty sure she has her own chauffeur in every damn town, no?

12 Girls for Balenciaga!! MY GAWD!

If you've been on The Imagist or Fashionologie, then you know by now that Balenciaga is casting 12 girls in their fall/winter 2010 campaign. No not 10. No, not 15. No, not 20. It's 12. The same number of STDS Lindsey Lohan has had. Oh me and my jokes. ha. ha. ha. Anyways, so which two oldies, I mean veterans, are already casted? None other than Stella Tennant & Karen Elson. Now the question were all craving to get answerd: Who the fuck are the other 10 girls? Anabela....where the fuck are you?!?!
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From TI:
TI has been trying to practice extreme discipline regarding the FW 10 campaign bookings because even as the consumer aches to know who's doing what even before the " what" is shot, the gatekeepers have been moving the chess pieces around with a new degree of cleverness. Some modern houses like Chanel and Donna Karan embrace the lust for information and others like YSL who until this morning held their Daria casting into the highest realm of high secrecy. Others are going to keep you guessing till the last minute. Take Balenciaga for instance...12 girls...some iconic and some obscure, girls of the moment and fallen girls the team loves regardless. But who will make the final cut? As such no-one can dare to accurately predict what that final edit will look like. Then there's the triumphant return of Gisele to the blue chip campaign market, a change-up to another iconic face at Gucci, 5 girls at Givenchy and 3 at Valentino as well as Lanvin , and multiple girls at Versace mixing Top 50 forces with newly breaking stars. Most intriguing of all is the Prada which by now must have managed to put hundreds of girls on hold with that curious requirement that the models boast some kind of singing talent. What could it all mean? Maybe that the RED camera is the future. And as for that late-90's moment that got sparked off at Calvin with the appearances of Stella, Tanga and Kirsten ? Well it seems the feeling has spilled over into an extravaganza of a sitting for that certain blue chip bible that is set to resurrect some of your favorite faces from the 1996-2001 time frame. And the whole point is to defy prediction. Stay tuned.

So who do I want the other 10 girls to be?
Numero uno uno UNO is Anabela Belikova. like....duh.
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She definitely has a chance to be there. HELLO, she did do the Fall/Winter 2007 campaign and Spring/Summer 2009 Balenciaga campaigns. She's truly a Balenciaga girl so she'd definitely fit in perfectly. Plus, she looked stunning in that pastel blue dress at the show.
I'm also trying to think what girls of the moment and what "fallen girls" could be fronting this campaign? idk for "fallen" girls, but I'd love to see Irina back.
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Freja, who I love, seems like a perfect candidate as well. She's one of the girls of the moment and has a Balenciaga campaign under her belt.
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Oh and add Hanne Gaby Odiele & Elsa Sylvan and I'd be the happiest slut ever.

Vogue Russia May 2010: Anabela Belikova by Tom Munro

PROGRESS!!!!!!! FINALLY, my true model boo Anabela Belikova finally got her first vogue cover ever! Thanks Vogue Russia for making a dream come true. You've made dozens and dozens of gay fashion obsessed boys around the world cry little tears of glitter like me. Ugh, this is remarkable *tear tear*.
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I'm sorry if I'm late posting this but I've finally had time. Honestly though, I'm so glad and screaming like a little school girl. Plus, she looks divine in that Viktor & Rolf dress and she's exuding such a killer pose on the cover. I really want to get this issue but unfortunately it's hard to get Vogue Russia issues around here. Luckily, I found this magazine & news stand that sells Vogue Russia a couple of weeks ago so hopefully they'll have this issue next time I go there. As for the content, there's a couture ed with Alessandra playing pussy with my papi chulo Simon Nessman and some other papi chulo. Gotta love her in this Dior dress....
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Ugh loving her in the Valentino....
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Then there's an ed with Iris (I could care less about her) who's being outshined by my gurl Heidi Mount
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And then an ed with Lula (who is this? homegurl knows how to werq) and goddess Anabela:
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Loving every ed in this issue. One of my favorite models is on the cover and the content throughout the issue is incredible. Definitely a worthy issue for me to get.